Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Dullsville Defined

This is an Essay that was written by the Four Siblings of the owner of this blog as a Tribute to the Huge Hole she made in Their lives when She left on her Protracted Trip to the East Coast. The Essay takes the form of an Interview of said Siblings with Sibling Paul. Paul interviewed Peter first.

Paul: "Why is it so hard to have a sister gone?"
Big Peter: "Because she's not always there, and if you need help for anything, you can only talk to her over the phone."

Paul: "What makes Katie the hardest to have leave for a week?"
Abigail: "When Katie leaves it's like... something is missing from part of my life. Like, for example, Library trips."

Paul: "Do you miss Katie?"
John: "Yes, because nothing is the same without her here."

Paul: "Who misses Katie the most?"
John and Peter: "Me!!"
Abigail (a whole minute later): "And me!"

Paul: "What will you do to make Katie feel missed?" (I tried to send her 1,000 emails... it didn't work.)
Peter: "Tease her about bananas." (She hates bananas)
Abigail: "Rub onions in my eyes and tell her I am crying my heart out!"
John: "I can't think of anything. Oh, I know!... wait, whatever."

Abigail: "Do miss giving Katie DQ Blizzards, or would you rather save your money?"
Paul: "Of course I miss giving her Blizzards! She hates being cold, but she loves Blizzards too."

So much for an essay...

Top Ten reasons the biggest sister in the house is missed
#1. She doesn't talk to us but once a day - and that, for only a few measly minutes.
#2. We can't share her experiences or tease her about being directionally challenged.
#3. No one corrects our grammar, and vocabulary and stuff.
#4. She can't tuck me in when I go to bed! (from Peter)
#5. It's too quiet without her.
#6. Mom has to do her own grocery shopping.
#7. Library trips have been postponed... again.
#8. We can't play games with her.
#9. She doesn't read aloud to us when she is gone... too difficult in a phone conversation.
#10. She makes our world go 'round!
#11. There are too many other reasons to list.

So, you see, our sister is important in our lives. We wish she was home and hope she doesn't leave again in a while. We are debating various methods of detention when she returns. Chicken wire across the front door... a leash... cages... a different one for different times.
We had a preview of a Katie gone and married, and we DON'T LIKE IT. We will band together and put a stop to any shenanigans of that nature. Our life isn't complete with her not here. We shan't allow it, no we won't. So if you think we liked this time, you need to realize we are so distraught with her all gone, we have no light, we have no day. We cry and weep without her face to brighten up our lives.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Go North, Young Man!

What does "directionally challenged" mean to you?

To me, it means chaos.

When I (cheerfully) complained about "one way streets" in my last post, I didn't even tell you a fraction of the real story. The real story of my directionally challenged existence.

Every year in school, I took the standardized tests required by Washington State. Every year I finished with something like brilliant scores. Except in reading maps.

Every year, in preparation for the test, Mom had me work through a third grade map reading book. Yes, the same book. Every year.

When I was about twelve I figured out that on a map, north is towards the top. The other directions were easier after that. I can now tell you that California is south of Washington by looking at a nice, solid, stationary map.

But I'm sorry to admit that if I make a quick trip to the grocery store, I haven't a clue which direction I'm going. I just turn right, turn left, and keep going until I get there.

North? South? East? West?

I haven't a clue. I haven't a clue because when I'm in motion...I have a fatal tendency to believe that the direction I'm headed is "north." Just because....well, it's straight ahead. And, somehow, "straight ahead" and "north" are equivelant to me.

I just simply haven't a shred of so-called "sense of direction."

So if I am to make a return trip to any place, I must consciously memorize the right and left turns. My memory is only average, so I get lost rather frequently.

All of which in prelude to announcing: I'm leaving for the next couple of weeks on a trip. First, to see my grandparents in Phoenix. (Hooray!!) Then to visit a friend in Georgia. (Hooray!!)

Just so you know, I'm glad the pilot is going to be the one actually navigating this trip. I assure you I have every respect for his (or her) skill. I always find it mildly amazing to end up at a southern destination when I'm heading north all the way there!